A day ago someone I went to middle school and high school with died. From a drug overdose.

We were not close, at all. Never really hung out, talked much, whatever. But when you know someone for the formative years of your life, its important, and memorable. And it makes you remember that life is life, it’s fleeting, altogether too short, and gives you a moment of “What the fuck am I doing?”

I’ve had such a moment before, sure. I’m sure we all have. Death usually spurs this on for most people. Pretty typical.

Maybe its the events of the past year, but today that death is kicking my freaking ass.

I’m in limbo. An enjoyable limbo. Which is a surprise to me, because limbo has never sounded like a fun place to be, either spiritually or actually in life. I’m mostly enjoying it because I’ve never experienced it before. The hazy fuzzy feeling of floating where I am in my life, without an actualized purpose. I know I have purpose. Thats been on constant I’ve had my entire life. The feeling of “Hey Jen, you’re supposed to do something. And unfortunately for you, it will involve a lot of work. Because its going to affect a lot of people. Get ready.”

So…that actualization part. What a bitch.

A lot of things that have happened to me and/or I’ve done in the past year have made me reprioritize. Again, and again. And here I am, not doing that again, necessarily, but reflecting on what I know is important to me. And I’m thinking today might be the start to me getting out of limbo, and taking every step like I mean it.

I’ve never been one to waste time. When I know where I’m going, I prefer to get there as soon as possible. Because I have a destination. Me lacking destination has enabled me to enjoy the walk more.

And I know that when I do take these next steps, I’ll be able to appreciate the walk. Because it counts.