Recently I was filling out an application for a government job based in D.C. There was 3 questions I had a difficult time answering myself, so of course, I turned to my friends for the answers. Feel free to comment if you disagree or have more to add.

What is my principal asset?

Ass. I mean, it’s nice, but really it’s not my principal asset. I think my hair might be bigger than my ass. So, my hair.

Oh, let’s reference personality. In my completely unobjective survey of these friends I got: honesty, sense of humor, curiosity, Britishness, and work ethic.

I’m also a really good speller.

What is my principal shortcoming?

I don’t have any.

Oh, ok, fine. Impatience and indecision. The last one is so spot on I almost blushed. If you’ve heard me talk about my future in the last 3 months at all, I’ve probably told you I was going to go back to school, join the military, jump in the car and travel, stay in Tampa, go to Korea, become a Buddhist monk (which I don’t think I can), or become a world reknowned writer.

None of which I’m actively pursuing at all, because I can’t make my bloody mind up. Like that job application? On file for 3 days until it’s deleted. Which it was. Probably just as well because I don’t think that particular agency appreciates funny applications. Because mine was. I can’t help it! “I’m an extremely hard worker when it comes to other people and what they need, but when it comes to me, I’m abjectly lazy. Just ask my cat about her litter box.”

How would you describe yourself?

Damn, I wish I had saved what I wrote. It was some classy writing.

I’m intelligent, ambitious to a fault, loyal, and a little cynical. I thrive on responsibility (I’m sick that way) and I love challenges. I don’t like boring crap. You know why? Because it’s fucking BORING, duh.

I spend most of my free time reading books or various bullshit on the internet, cooking (when I can), exploring music, watching House and falling deeper in love with Hugh Laurie, doing yoga, going to the beach with Julie, various shenanigans with Julie, cleaning my apartment once a week when it gets to DEFCON TOOMUCH, playing guitar (recent endeavor), hitting the bar with the peeps and running into more peeps, and…this. Writing this goddamn blog. Oh, and I work. That too.

I haven’t eaten meat since December 2006. I was vegan from then until the past winter when I reintroduced cheese into my diet (not something I was trying to do, it just happened when I was eating out of trashcans. America loves their cheese). I can’t fix your car as I have no tools but I could probably tell you what’s wrong with it and how to do it. I know entirely too much about suspension and tires and lift. I think turbos are pretty fucking cool. I can barely open a pickle jar. I love beer. I don’t like rum. I’m a Crappicorn. I like math but I’m not good at it. I could care less for English class but it was my best subject. I love history and French things (men, lingerie, pedicures and the language, mostly). I don’t wear necklaces because they get wrapped up in the hair on the nape of my neck but I always have toerings on. I have freakishly small nailbeds and a diamond of moles on my left cheek. Face, people. I prefer menthol cigarettes and like my cocaine to be Bolivian. I have the eyes of a bat and I never take my contacts out. I’m stubborn and a bit of a hotheaded idiot.

2009 and 2010 have been the 2 craziest years of my life. I’m wondering what the FUCK is going to happen in 2011. And I’m kind of excited. It can’t level out after this, because really, I make my own life and apparently I’m crazy. We’ll see.